Grieving the Loss of Life the Way I Want It
So I was telling my counselor a couple weeks ago about my struggle to grasp self-discipline in my own life while parenting three little boys. Before kids I would get up in the morning to read, exercise and get the day going. By the time I got to work I was awake, rested and feeling good. That stopped when the kids started coming.
Lindsay and I say often that we’re in a season – a season of crazy schedules, less-than-adequate sleep and a general state of chaos and disorder. At times the promise of this season ending is what keeps me sane. Don’t get me wrong, I will definitely miss this stage when we’re out of it. But the part of me that LOVES starting my days on my own schedule looks forward to the next season. This is the part of me that had its way for the first 30 years of my life.
There’s the hope that once this season ends, I can return to the “way things used to be” … morning exercise, quiet time, relaxing, reflecting, pre-flecting, etc. My counselor challenged me that maybe that’s not the case. Maybe that won’t happen. Maybe I need to grieve the loss of that order in my life, of the time when life could be the way I wanted it.
That thought struck me as soon as he shared it and has resonated in me ever since. I’ve never really known much grief. In fact, I’ve often thought of grief as a dirty word … along with sadness, melancholy, pain, etc. … I haven’t spent much time with them. And now I think I need to get to know them. I want to get to know them. I know that God can do things in me there that can’t be done in other places.
So I’m trying to grieve the loss. A loss that doesn’t compare to most loss that people experience, but a loss to me nonetheless. I’m trying to learn what it means to grieve. To be sad. To let go. And I believe that if I can do that and let God meet me there, that He’ll help me make something new, something better.
Extraordinarily Ordinary
I want to be spectacular. I want to do amazing things. Meaningful things. I want to be extraordinary.
But lately I’ve been feeling very ordinary. Normal.
In most (certainly not all) church circles, there’s an unspoken tendency to place higher value and praise on the extraordinary-est people … the greatest worship leaders, the craziest youth pastors, the liveliest communicators. I think this trend among Christians is even greater outside churches … the farther you go from home, the poorer the people you serve, the more it costs you, the greater the “approval” that comes from within our culture.
Please don’t misunderstand me, people that follow Jesus wherever he leads – serving the under-served and giving up much personal comfort and gain – are to be greatly praised, and we’ll likely see many of them greatly praised by God himself when things here wrap up.
I think as a culture, we’ve come to place such high value on those callings, that we tend to overlook too many “ordinary” people pursuing Christ in much less glamorous, but equally as sacred callings. In such a culture, the realization that you may never be the “-est” of anything can lead to discouragement. I know it has for me. And that’s mostly pride talking.
The realization also did something else in me. Something unexpected. It inspired me to do every “regular” thing I do the best I can. To be the best husband, father, friend, employee, coworker I can. And not in an achieve-the-American-dream sort of way. More in a I’m-here-because-this-is-my-calling-and-I-want-to-fulfill-it way.
I want to be the most extraordinarily ordinary person I can.
And I think the world could use more ordinary people.
Review: Falling Upward by Richard Rohr
This isn’t really a review as much as it is me saying that this book incredibly impacted me … I can’t even articulate yet how. I think it’s jumped to the status of Celebration of Discipline and Hearing God in my history of reading.
My Favorite Atlanta Places
I was emailing a friend today who visits Atlanta a lot on business. I told him to let me know if he needs any activity or dining recommendations. That got me thinking, “What are my favorites?” So, if you’re headed to or through the A-T-L, here are some places you may want to check out. Read the rest of this entry
In the Presence of Holy-er-ness
I believe that God’s call on our lives is to pursue Christ-likeness in every way. This means different things to different people. To me it means to act, speak and think in a way that moves others closer toward love and demonstrates Christ’s love for all. Read the rest of this entry
Yet to Come
Charles Howard & Tom Smith with Seabiscuit
I recently read the book Seabiscuit: An American Legend by Laura Hillenbrand. A movie was made a few years ago based on the book. The movie was good (I think it may have gotten an Oscar nomination), the book was great. It’s about much more than a horse. In fact, at times it doesn’t feel about the horse at all, but about how the horse brought three broken men together and helped them heal. Two of the men – the horse’s owner Charles Howard and trainer Tom Smith – were in their late 50s before finding the horse that would make them famous and define their careers in thoroughbred racing.
Rebuilding
You’ll probably never see this, whoever you are.
I’d like a place where I can put thoughts about, well,
anything,
everything.
Welcome.
Review: iPhone 4
A lot has been said about the iPhone 4. I’ll skip the technical stuff about how great it is because a) you’ve read it and b) it’s all true. I will say that I use the heck out of my iPhone. From listening to music and filming videos to taking notes and tracking tasks, I’m a big user of the greatest smart phone ever. Here’s how I use it and some of my favorite apps …
